5 Ways To Have Better Conversations

If small talk makes you uneasy or starting a conversation feels intimidating, you're not alone. Many people struggle with finding the right words in meetings or filling awkward silences. Fortunately, communication and performance coach Rachel Coffey is here to help. Rachel offers practical strategies to boost your confidence and enhance your communication skills, making every conversation smoother and more effective.

Five practical ways to improve your conversations

The Importance of Confidence in Conversations

At the core of any great conversation is confidence. It might seem that talking to others is the simplest thing in the world, but representing yourself well and building genuine connections can be more challenging than it appears, especially in today’s world, where face-to-face interactions have become less frequent.

As a professional voice coach, Rachel has seen firsthand the wide spectrum of how people communicate and the profound impact this has on their lives and careers. From working with Oscar nominees learning new accents to helping trainee clergy overcome stage fright, she's observed how crucial it is to understand the power of communication. The good news is that how we communicate is entirely within our control.

READ MORE: PepTalk's Public Speaking Experts

Understanding the Physical Nature of Voice

One critical aspect of communication that often goes unnoticed is the physical nature of our voice. Our thoughts and emotions directly influence how we speak. How we feel affects our thinking, which affects our breathing, and ultimately, how our voice sounds. This interplay can determine whether our words flow smoothly or whether we struggle to express ourselves.

Now, let’s jump into the five tips to help you become a more effective communicator.

1. Be Generous: Allow Your Listener In

The first tip is to be generous with your listeners by making them feel included. This all begins with your introduction. Many people feel awkward or embarrassed when introducing themselves, whether in a social setting or a professional networking event. This discomfort often stems from a fear of appearing boastful or self-promotional.

We’ve all experienced that moment at the start of a meeting or a training course where everyone is asked to introduce themselves. As the turn approaches, people often tune out, focusing instead on rehearsing their introduction, which leads to embarrassment and forgetting names. But here's the key: your introduction isn’t just about you— it's about your listener. It helps them understand who you are and sets the context for everything else you say. A good introduction builds trust and provides an opportunity for connection. Think of it as a conversational handshake, especially important in an era where physical handshakes have become less common.

2. Show Interest in Others: Ask Questions

The second tip is to show genuine interest in others. No one enjoys a conversation with someone who only talks about themselves. Many people worry about not having enough to say, but asking questions is a simple way to keep the conversation flowing. Inviting others to share more about their lives is a powerful way to connect.

A common icebreaker, especially in the UK, is to talk about the weather. While it might seem trivial, discussing something as universal as the weather helps establish common ground. For example, at a recent work event, a conversation about pets sparked lively discussions as nearly everyone had recently gotten a pet. Sharing topics like this can make the conversation flow more naturally.

Finding multiple touchpoints or shared experiences strengthens bonds and builds rapport in conversations. Asking questions helps uncover commonalities and provides an opportunity to understand and appreciate differences. Even if someone has a different perspective, asking questions can lead to learning new things, whether it’s a recommendation for a restaurant or a Netflix series.

3. Every Communication is a Conversation: Engage Your Listener

The third tip is to treat every communication as a conversation, even if you’re the only one speaking. Often, when people are put on the spot—whether in a presentation, pitch, or job interview—they tend to retreat inward, keeping their thoughts to themselves. This can make your listener feel disengaged and judgmental, particularly in high-stakes situations.

To avoid this, it is important to involve your listener in the conversation. Even if they’re not speaking, you want them to be mentally engaged, imagining and thinking along with you. Think of it as showing your listener around an architect’s model, asking them to explore and engage with your presentation. By putting the information out in the open and inviting your listeners to interact, you make it easier for them to connect with your ideas.

For example, let’s consider how we talk about something familiar, like our pets. The conversation might seem dull if someone simply state facts about their three cats. However, the listener is more likely to engage and visualise the scene if they are described with vivid details—like how Jasper looks like he’s wearing a dinner jacket and Tipsy resembles a cat in a cocktail dress. When your listener starts imagining what you’re describing, your words become their thoughts, making your ideas more impactful.

4. Give Your Ideas Time to Breathe: The Power of Pauses

Words need space to breathe. A common mistake people make when they’re nervous is to avoid pauses, fearing that silence might be uncomfortable. However, pauses are essential because they give your listener time to absorb your ideas.

If you keep talking without pausing, your listener may struggle to keep up and eventually lose track. Pauses allow your listener to take your words and make them their own. They also give you, as the speaker, a moment to breathe and think, which is crucial for maintaining clarity and composure.

Pauses are not just about stopping talking; they are about creating a space where your ideas can settle into your listener’s mind. They also convey confidence, signalling to your audience that you trust them to stay engaged with what you’re saying. A well-timed pause can give your words gravitas, much like the masterful pauses used by speakers like Barack Obama, who draws his audience in with deliberate, thoughtful silences.

5. Maintain a Measured Pace: Slow Down to Be Heard

Maintaining a measured pace is one of the most crucial tips for effective communication. Speaking too quickly can lead to misunderstandings, as people may ask you to repeat yourself, especially in noisy environments or important conversations. This situation is further exacerbated if you're already feeling nervous. The last thing you want is to be constantly asked to clarify what you said, which can create an awkward and uncomfortable atmosphere.

To avoid this, it’s advisable to slow down your speech, especially in significant conversations like presentations or discussions where the environment might be noisy. While it may feel unusually slow initially, staying present in the moment is essential. Speaking at about half your normal speed allows you to articulate your thoughts clearly, ensuring that your listener can follow along without needing to ask for repetition.

Final thoughts

Improving your conversation skills is a journey that involves practice and self-awareness. Rachel Coffey’s communication insights offer practical strategies to help you communicate more effectively, whether you’re engaging in small talk, delivering feedback, or navigating cultural differences.

By focusing on confidence, being genuinely interested in others, engaging your listener, giving your ideas space to breathe, and maintaining a measured pace, you can transform your conversations into meaningful and impactful interactions.

What to read next

• Discover 5 TED Talks on leadership that uncover surprising truths and insights to help you master the art of effective leadership.
• Learn how to hack your relationships with human behaviour expert, Anna Machin.
• A masterclass in mastering business relationships with Lirone Glikman.

💡 Would you like to teach your team to communicate more effectively with an expert speaker? Let us know, and we’ll find the perfect PepTalk expert for your organisation. Email us at hello@getapeptalk.com or send us a message via the chat. You can also call us on +44 20 3835 2929 (UK) or +1 737 888 5112 (US). Remember, it’s always a good time to get a PepTalk!